Sunday, Apr. 27, 2008
Ben's party
It was a good weekend despite Friday night. Adam and I fought over stupid shit after he got home from work which was around midnight. Incidentally, that's why we fought; because he stopped at the bar after work instead of coming home.
He had such a long week at work and I realize he might want a few drinks, but I too had a long week. By Friday I am worn out and it is nice having help taking care of Olivia in the evening. During the week I give the bathes, I put her to bed, not to mention I am with her all day. Not that I don't like being with her, but it doesn't seem fair that he gets a break and I don't. I feel so horrible for even saying it.
He told me that I have control issues. I told him that I was never like that until we got together; I was always a happy person to which he replied,"Happy or drunk. You were always happy go lucky when you were drunk." My response was,"Well, why do you think I drank so much asshole?"
Then he said something that hit me hard. He goes,"Jenn, you are a mean person ... in the past, I've had three other serious relationships and they were all genuinly nice people. You aren't. You're mean inside." I thought about it and said,"Well, I used to be a genuinly nice person too but got tired of being screwed over so I stopped. Nice people finish last." And there was some truth to what I said. Even after the five years we've been together there are times when I still have my guard up.
We fought some more...he told me to move out and I told him I was taking Olivia with me .. blah, blah, blah... and finally I just got tired and fed up so I went to sleep.
I was still fuming when I went to work the next morning. When I got home I had calmed down but Olivia and Adam weren't home. He called me and said they had gone to visit his gram.
I met them at Kmart so we could buy Benjamin and present for his 1st birthday. We got him a Tonka truck and a Bob the Builder DVD. Olivia loves the toy isle already. Her eyes just light up when she sees all that stuff.
Everything was good between Adam and I the rest of the day. We made up and he told me that he didn't mean what he said; it was just fighting talk. "I love you so much and I wouldn't be able to live without you or Olivia,"he said. I didn't mean most of what I said either. I would never just take Olivia away. As badly as we fight sometimes, I love him and I need him.
Benjamin's birthday party was nice. It was a beautiful day outside. It was warm enough for me to wear shorts and Olivia to wear her Ralph Lauren dress. Her hair was up in pigtails. She looked so freakin' cute except her little shoes kept coming off.
The best part of the party was when Ben got to eat his cake. At first he put part of his hand in the icing, then he happily started mutilating the entire thing. He looked so determined to destroy it. Then he clapped; hands and arms full of icing. It was so funny. After that he got right in the bathtub and came out all clean and smelling good.
Ben got a lot of nice gifts and luckily noone got him what we did. By the way, I felt like it was my own birthday because Kristin gave us about ten cans of Similac Advance (Olivia's formula) that used to be Ben's. He drinks whole milk now so he won't be needing the formula. I offered her money but she didn't take anything because she is on WIC and the formula was free anyway. YAAAY!!! We don't qualify for WIC so he get stuck paying full price. Formula is so expensive so these extra cans will definitly come in handy.
When he got home it started to storm. I was glad the weather held off until the party was over.
I took third place in the card game today. I was due to cash out because I had been on a losing streak for about a month straight. There are five weeks left in the tournament. I need to do well so I can play in the final game. The only people who qualify are the top nine people with the most points. I've gotta start stepping up.
I picked Olivia up from Adam's mom's house and got home a little while ago. Olivia cried for over half of the way home before falling asleep. She didn't wake up when I put her in her crib so I hope she is asleep for the night.