Friday, Nov. 24, 2006
1st Since August
I am alive and well. My life has been packed full of various activities besides work, but I don't know how or where to begin to describe them all. It's too overwhelming. It upsets me that three months have gone by without me updating at all. I never realized how important it is for me to have my life written out in detail everyday so that someday in the future I can flip through my archives and look back on my past.
Let's see .... At the end of September I was in a car accident. A good looking guy driving a jetta pulled out in front of me and fucked up the entire front of my car. The damage to my car was not enough for them to total it though. Being stressed, I walked a block to the bar to relax, vent about the accident and have a drink.
This is the night where I developed a decent sized crush on a guy who is a quasi-friend of Adam and I's. He shoots on Adam's pool team and we have all hung out together before. That night, he blatantly admitted that he had a crush on me too. To this, I told him that I didn't mind that he had a crush on me, but didn't reveal that I too, had one on him. As he was leaving the bar, he said to me,"If noone told you that you're beautiful today, I want to say it first. You're beautiful." He also left a sweet note on the windshield of me wrecked car which I kept.
We've hung out a few times after that night. Sometimes with Adam and sometimes not (I've never done anything to be ashamed of), but lately I've been keeping my distance.
Adam and I are doing alright as a couple. We lack passion and lust anymore. We hardly ever have sex and that sucks. What really sucks is that I don't know why we never do. We fight, then make up, then fight some more about trivial, meaningless things. Often times I wonder whether or not I'd care if we weren't together anymore. Sometimes it seems silly that we are because I don't think that what we have together constitutes a good relationship if it even constitutes one at all. I still love him a lot though and that's why I'm sticking it out; waiting for things to get better. I say that I wouldn't care if I never saw or talked to him again, but then again, I can't imagine my life without him.
And another thing .....something is wrong with my body.