Thursday, Aug. 10, 2006
The Pot and the Kettle
Today, Megan went back to school. The other night the two of took Madison and her friend Abby to a local amusement park. It is the biggest free admission park in our area. People from all over come to it but up until the other night, I hadn't been there since Adam and I first started dating which was six years ago. The park doesn't seem as great to people who live locally as it does to non locals. While Megan and I were waiting for Madison and Abby to get off of a ride, she said to me,"Jenn, I feel like I'm in high school again." and we laughed because I felt the same way.
Madison is only eight and her friend, Abby is ten. They get along really well, but sometimes I could see the age gap meaning that Abby is a little more mature about certain things. Madison is at the age where she enjoys the rides that are somewhere between 'kiddie' and 'adult'. Abby went on anything.
Somehow we all convinced Madison to go on the second biggest roller coaster at the park. As we stood in line, she told us how nervous she was and that it was 'a death ride'. We kept reasurring her that she would love it. When it was finally our turn to ride the coaster, Megan and Madison sat together and Abby and I sat behind them. I love roller coasters. I love the feeling when you're riding down the biggest hill. Abby and I laughed and screamed the entire time. In front of me I could hear Megan doing the same thing. Madison was quiet.
She hated the ride. She was shaking as she got off of it. Her face was pale white and she looked as though she were going to cry. Quietly, Megan said to me,"I thought she was going to throw up." When we asked Madison how she liked it, she replied,"I hated it! It throws you out of your seat and it feels like you're going to fall out!" She stated that the only part she liked was when we went through the tunnel. I really thought she would have liked it once she rode it. Apparently I was wrong.
The only problem that night was that Megan, Abby and I wanted to go on rides that Madison was afraid of. She didn't go on half the rides we all did. Instead, she stood with the ticket attendent and watched us have fun. I felt bad about it. We allowed her to choose rides that she liked, but they weren't as fun to the rest of us. Once she gets older, she'll probably like the coasters. I just hope we didn't make her hate them forever.
As the night went on, it got chillier. I wished I had brought a sweatshirt with me. Around nine thirty, we decided it was time to go home. Abby kept telling us that she had such a good time because it was the first time she went to the park without 'adults'. I remember what that felt like. I used to go places with my older cousins and it felt like I was grown up. To her, it probably felt like she was going out. Madison also said that she had fun. I think she really liked hanging out with the three of us even though she didn't go on a lot of the rides. We'll probably take her next year and it might be different.
When I got home I was tired but I wanted to hang out with Adam for a little bit. He left for work on Sunday night and had to stay over night on Monday, came home on Tuesday while I was at work. He stayed out on Tuesday night with his friends until two in the morning so I didn't get to see him. It pissed me off, not because he went out, but because I knew that I wouldn't get to see him all week. Last night, he left for work again and doesn't come home until tomorrow. We fought about it a little when he got home on Tuesday and yesterday when I got home from work. Yesterday, I didn't even want to see him.
I came to my parents' house last night after I dropped him off at Patty and Jack's. His aunt and cousins were leaving today and he wanted to say goodbye. Megan also left today and I wanted to spend time with her. He asked whether I was going to come home at all before he left for work at ten pm. I said most likely no. He called me while Megan and I were getting italian ice. He told me that he wanted to talk so I picked him up, dropped Megan off and took him to work so we could discuss things on the way.
"You knew you were leaving overnight again, so why wouldn't you want to hang out with me for a little bit?" I said. He had already hung out with his friend for about five hours before I got home from the amusement park so would it have killed him to be with me for two before I went to sleep? It actually hurt a little. I had explain why it hurt my feelings about ten times before he understood. That's another thing; he usually doesn't try to understand and I hate that about him.
If the hands were reversed and I was the one staying out at the bar until two am with my friends and without him, things would be completly different. It wouldn't go over well at all. I explained this as well but I'm still not so sure he understands. He says that he does, but this situation has happened more times than carter had liver pills. I guess you really can't change people unless they want to change for themself. I know this, yet, still, I keep trying to mold him into my perfect guy. It's a stupid thing to do because I know that nobody, including myself, is perfect. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. The pot calls the kettle black more often than not.
Things are fine between us until the next time. I am not thinking about next time though, just concentrating on the present. Hopefully everything will be easier if I take one step at a time.