Sunday, Aug. 06, 2006
R.I.P. - We love you.
Adam left for work about an hour ago so as I type this, he is on his way to New York until Tuesday. I miss him a lot when he is away which is part of the reason why I am staying at my parents' house tonight and tomorrow night. The other half of the reason as to why I'm here is because I haven't seen them in over a week.
Last Sunday afternoon my cell rang and when I looked at the called ID it read that Adam's dad was calling. When I handed him the phone, before he even said hello, I somehow knew that what his dad had to say wasn't good news. I heard Adam say,"Of my god ... are you serious?" I thought to myself,"Shit, what the fuck is going on?" He got off the phone, looked at me with teary eyes and stated that his grnadfather had just died. I didn't say anything, I just sat there and lit up a cigarette while Adam went outside to smoke one. I wasn't sure whether or not to go out there, so I stayed where I was and let him have a few moments by himself.
When he came back inside, he looked as though he were in a daze. Jack, his grandfather, had just died right before Adam's dad called. The day before that, he wasn't feeling good but refused to go to the hospital despite everyone insisting that he should go. On Sunday, Adam's aunt and uncle went over to check on him. Like he always did, he was sitting in his rocking chair in the kitchen watching tv. He messed his pants while they were there and after that, they told him to take a shower and clean himself up and then they were taking him to the hospital. He went upstairs to shower and they heard him fall at the top of the stairs.
The medics worked on him at the house but he died as soon as they arrived at the hospital which is only about two blocks away. Adam met his family at the hospital while I stayed home. He told me later that he didn't want me to think that I wasn't welcome at the hospital because I was. He just thought it might be too awkward for me. Not that I didn't want to be there, but I am almost glad that I wasn't. He is right, it would have been awkward for me. I am not good in those situations to begin with.
Adam's family flew in last week from CA so they could attend the viewing and funeral which was held last Wednesday night (viewing) and Thursday morning (funeral). I went to the viewing with Adam and stayed for its entirety. It was a big one too. For most of the night, the line was all the way out the door. He had a lot of friends and family who cared about him a lot.
I worked on Thursday during the funeral. I am not quite sure if I could have gotten off work anyway, and I feel awful for saying it, but I didn't want to go. Sure, I wanted to go for Jack and to be there for Adam, but I really don't know if I could have handled it. My grandma just died a month ago and now Jack. It really sucks and it's just too much. I am really trying to be strong for Adam because I know that he is just dying inside. He was always so close to his grandfather. I feel really awful about the whole thing.
Everyone is doing okay though; as good as they can be right now. Noone is sure yet what will happen with Adam's grandmother. She doesn't need to be in a nursing home, but she cannot be alone either. Most likely, she will have to sell the house. I feel really overwhelmed; have felt that way now for most of the summer. I feel like I have to do something about everything that's happened, but I know that there is nothing I can do. Like, always, it will take time until everyone feels 'normal' again. Why is it that when you're having fun time passes by so quickly and when you're not, it doesn't seem to pass by quickly enough.