Sunday, Apr. 30, 2006
Somethings Gotta Give
Things between Adam and I have been going well lately. I say 'well' because they aren't super fantastic or anything, but they aren't horrible either. We did fight a little bit a few weeks ago, but it was minor.
We ended up going out for drinks on Easter Eve with Adam's buddy, Matt. I had a few glasses of wine while they shot pool and drank beer. It was a beautiful day outside. The weather was absolutly perfect; sunny, blue skies with white, puffy clouds. The temperature was in the mid to upper sixties; about the highest it had been this spring up until that point. I was kind of reluctant to go out when Adam suggested it just for the reason that it was still a little early; around 5 pm, and the weather was so nice.
"Why do we have to go out now?" I asked,"Why not wait until later on tonight?"
"Because it's still early...why can't we just go now?" Adam answered, sounding a bit irritated.
I wanted to wait until later on to go out so that we could enjoy the nice weather outside instead of being stuck inside a dark bar in the early evening, but he wanted no part in it. He said,"What are we going to do outside?" I wasn't going to argue about it so I decided to keep my mouth shut for once, make him happy and go to the bar.
The three of us had probably been at the bar for about two hours when I could feel the wine kick in. It is always a different kind of drunk when you're drunk off wine rather than beer or liquor. For me, I can start to feel it go to my head and my hands feel light but heavy all at the same time. I was relaxed as I watched Adam and Matt's pool game and listened to some kick ass eighties music someone had played on the juke box until we all decided to leave.
Matt M. (not the Matt we were hanging out with already) was going to have some people over after he got finished working, so we went to his house and waited for him. He was held up at work, so we sat there for what seemed like a long time. It probably wasn't a long time at all, but it sure did feel like it, mostly because I was getting tired and ready to go home. I expressed my opinion about this but was ignored by Adam. We got in the car and Adam said,"I feel like having another beer." Of course ...
Whatever, I agreed to go out and have one more drink. Whenever I say just one more, it always turns into two more, then three more, then four more .... By this point, I am more than ready to go home. Again, however, I was ignored and at this moment was the turning point at which I started to get pissed off.
We were home by 1am. I had been drinking since 5pm. I collapsed on our bed when we got home without even changing into pajamas or attempting to get undressed.
"What was your problem tonight?" asked Adam.
"You were my problem,"I said.
"Blah blah blah diddy blah..." said Adam.
We fought; or we tried to fight, is what I should say. I had my head laid on my pillow and I could hear what he was saying to me, I just could not respond. Everytime I would try to, I would think to myself in my head what I wanted to say first, but the words were so difficult to get out of my mouth. It reminded me of The Little Mermaid when she has no voice and she wants to talk to Eric but no sound will come out. Of course it was difficult for sound to leave my mouth beacause of the wine I had consumed.
Although I do not remember the last thing that I said to Adam, I remember the last thing that he said to me which was,"I don't even want to spend Easter with you tomorrow. You can go to your parents' and I'll go to my grandparents' and we'll each do separate things."
And we did just that. I dropped him off at his grandparents' house and I went to my parents'. I had a nice time despite the fact that this is the first holiday in three years that I didn't spend with Adam. My mom, dad, Megan, Madison and grandmother all had a very tasty dinner and desert. Afterwards, I watched The Chronicles of Narnia (great movie) with Megan and Madison. Nothing exciting, but I did have a nice, relaxing day.
I stayed there until Megan left to go back to college. I was / am a little upset because she took her pug, Emma, with her. Emma is a city dog now, but from what I've heard, she likes it. She doesn't have a huge yard to run in but there are seven girls who live with my sister and their friends are over all of the time and Emma is loving all the attention. I miss Megan and Emma both though. My mom expects Emma to be back 'home' sometime soon though. She suspects Megan will get tired of taking care of her and send her back. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
As for Adam and I spending Easter separated from one another, nothing more was really said about it. That night, he got home at around eight pm. He was at the fire company with his dad and uncles after their meal was over. Figures though. We both told each other we had a nice day and that was that. Him and I were more quiet than usual that night and if I can remember correctly, we were in bed early. Other than that, nothing.
Since then things have been pretty normal except for that fact that we hardly ever have sex anymore. I think it's been three weeks. I used to have a hell of a lot more sex when I was single and I told him that too. He said it's getting to the point where he doesn't even care that we don't do it anymore. If he doesn't care, then I guess I shouldn't either. I love him so much and I know that he loves me too, but somethings gotta give.
On Friday, he called a business in referance to a job application that he put in about a week ago. It's for a driver's helper position, where he would travel to another state; probably Virginia, with a CDL driver, stopping at different locations and he would help the driver unload the truck. They travel back to PA the same day. In a few months, he could get a CDL license too which is something he has been talking about for the past seven or eight months.
The company called him back Friday at closing time and left a voice mail telling him to give them a call tomorrow morning. All weekend he has been excited about it because it means he could finally quit his shitty job at the pizza shop and do something good for us. I'm sick and tired of not having money and having to pull all the weight and pay for practically everything. With having to pay the rent, utilities, etc., my personal bills such as credit card and cell phone are falling behind. I am so stressed out about it all. If he gets this job, we will finally be caught up on bills and be able to live comfortably again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he will get this job!