Thursday, Oct. 06, 2005
A Place Where You Aren't Judged
On Tuesday night I called my mother to ask her if it were alright if I came over for dinner some night this week. I told her that Wednesday (last night) would be good for me since I have to work tonight and didn't know my work schedule for the rest of the week. After thinking for a minute, she said,"That's fine. I'm not sure what we'll be having for dinner since I have to work until almost five. Then, at 7:30 we have bible study at the church but you're welcome to come along." Surprisingly, I agreed.
Adam had my car for the afternoon yesterday because he was running errands, mowing the lawn, and taking his grandfather out for beers at the local fire companys. At the end of my shift, I locked the building and stepped outside expecting my car to parked in the lot with Adam inside of it. Instead, the parking lot was empty. I waited for about ten minutes until finally, I decided to walk home since it is only about a fifteen minute walk. When I arrived home I saw him coming out onto the front porch. He gave me a look that said,"What the fuck? Where were you?" He had been looking for me and had arrived home just seconds before me. I couldn't believe he drove around looking for me. He said that he drove down every ally and tried to retrace every route imaginable from my work to our house. I pictured him doing so and got a chuckle out of it.
Emma, my sister's pug greeted me excitedly at the door when I got to my parents' house. I bent down to pet her and she kept jumping around and snorting happily. She then trotted off into the kitchen to where my mother was. My mother was at the stove cooking dinner. She reported that my grandmother was doing a lot better that day. She had gotten dressed and went to physical therapy. The only bad thing is that she hasn't been eating a whole lot. She is still sleeping quite a bit but hopefully she will gain more strength between going to physical therapy and resting. I hope they will let her leave the hospital soon.
Dinner was good. We had chicken with gravy, filling, and something that I couldn't believe my mother made; boxed mashed potatoes. When I was younger and living at home, she would never make mashed potatoes from a box. They were always made by cutting up real potatoes, then mashing them, mixing it with milk, and whatever else you do to homemade ones. It seems as though now that Megan and I are out of the house, she has changed a lot when it comes to things like that. Everything was still really good. At least I have a home cooked meal almost once a week. Adam and I already vowed that when we move into our new place in March, we will start cooking. Yeah right, that's what we said last year before we moved to the house we live in now.
Aside from last week when I went to my church for a pot luck dinner with my mom and dad, last night was the first I had been there in ages. I was actually trying to remember exactly the last time I had been there for church and heard a sermon on a Sunday morning. I couldn't recall it. Christmas 2003 maybe? I don't know. Since I had been there last, we got a new preacher. His name is Dave and he seemed very nice. He was young and a lot more interesting than our previous minister. A lot more fun too. He was joking around with everyone and laughing; just having a good time. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and a real person too if you know what I mean.
At first, I was nervous going into church even though there was only a small group of us. Bible study is something where some of the members of the church get together every Wednesday night and basically just have a discussion. Not every member of the church has to attend; only the people who want to. Last night, there were only about eight people there. Every week, the discussion is chosen by a topic or lesson that is in a handbook which everyone has. I was lent a copy last night so that I could follow along.
The lesson last night was about living for Christ and how you should put him before anything else in your life because once you die, all of our earthly things won't matter once we're in heaven. People in the group shared their experiences about how they sometimes get so busy with their everyday lives that it's really hard to put Christ first and that they have to remember to do so. Pretty much, it was just regualar people sharing their experiences and struggles and how God is in control, etc. Every personal story that was told was one that I could relate to.
At the end of the lesson, I felt a lot better than I had when I first got there. When I first arrived, walked into the church and sat down with the group, I was really apprehensive and felt out of place even though I was with people who had known me since I was born. It was just because I hadn't been there for so long that I felt like a stranger. I felt like people were going to judge me for not being there for such a long time. I felt like a hypocrite in a way because I don't exactly lead a 'christian lifestyle'. I thought people were going to be thinking things like,"What does she think she's doing here? Yeah, as if she's a good person ..." I was so wrong. I should have known that I wasn't going to be judged. They aren't that kind of people at all. In fact, they were glad that I was there. And since they were so welcoming, I might go back to join them again.