Thursday, Sept. 29, 2005
Basically the Same
Surprisingly, the wind was a little chilly as it came through my car windows while I was driving to the fair. Despite the wind, the bright sunlight warmed my car just enough so that I wasn't cold, nor hot. I flipped through the local radio stations, hearing bits and pieces of songs that I don't really care for. When I finally decided to turn the dial just one more time, the song that was playing brought me back to a completly different time in my life. As I was making the very familiar drive that I once used to travel several times a week, I listened to that song and it brought back so many memories. I blasted the stereo, lit up a cigarette and pretended it were three years ago. I smiled as I remembered stories and instances from when I used to make the same journey to the same place I was heading to. Maybe it was the drive I was making, or maybe it was the place I was going, but whatever it was, on Tuesday, it really 'felt' like fall outside. It wasn't until then that I realized summer was over.
As I neared the town where I was driving to, I felt calm because everything was exactly how I remembered it. I took in the scenery along the highway, passing the stores and buildings that I used to see so much that I barely noticed them. Traffic was beginning to get heavy as I got close to my destination. Just like before, my heart began to race with antipation and I wondered what was in store for me that afternoon / early evening. Then, I came back to reality as I realized that I wasn't going to party like I used to, I was there for work purposes. Instead of keeping straight on the rode, I followed the signs that read 'Fair Traffic Keep Right'. I made a mental note of where I parked my car as I was walking to the entrance gate. Dust was flying everywhere as cars zoomed past me while I made the long walk to the gate. I didn't really mind it though. It was the perfect day to be going to the fair.
Inside the gate, it was a little chaotic. Crowds of people were everywhere you turned. Children were running around with cotton candy, parents were pushing babies in strollers while the fathers held the food or souvenirs, teenagers were loudly gabbing with their friends, and older people were walking at a snail's pace. And while I was trying to find the building where the exhibit for my work was in, I kept having to stop every five seconds because whomever was in front of me would be reunited with friends they haven't seen in ages. It took me about twenty minutes until I even got to my building. But first, I stopped to buy a funnel cake and a lemonade that was a little warm.
I wish our exhibit could have been outside instead. It would have felt more like I was part of the fair. Not that I wish to be a carny or anything, but inside, it was boring. However, I made my way through the large building, people-watching as I tried to find our stand. It was mostly older people shopping around and looking at the various stands that were setup inside. In the building I was in, there was a jewlery stand, a stand selling purses, one selling fresh roasted almonds and a lot of other things. The best one was the stand that was selling grand pianos. I looked at them and they were gorgeous. One of them was only $600.00. If I would have had the money, I would have bought that in a second. I cannot wait until I am financially stable enough to buy one of those. I miss playing so badly. To the right of our expo was the jewlery stand. I had the intentions of buying a new bellybutton ring, but there were none that I liked. They all looked really cheap. Instead, I spent my money on more food. I cannot get enough of fair food. How fattening, I know.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, sitting there for five whole hours behind a counter, trying to tell people about our company. My boss and a partnership business shared the cost of one exhibit so I sat with John, the guy who represented the other company. He was a year or two older than me and a really nice guy. Well, he seemed like a nice guy anyway. So many guys appear nice but then turn out to be dicks. But anyway, he was great. We talked and joked around and got to know each other fairly well for just meeting one another. I couldn't help but think that if I weren't with Adam, this guy would be someone I was interested in. Then I felt guilty for even thinking about it. Sometimes I wonder if Adam thinks that way about other girls. I wish I knew, because if he did, then I wouldn't have to feel guilty. We'd be even.
Around dinnertime, John commented that he was getting hungry. He then asked if I'd like to leave the stand and get something to eat. "The stand will be alright," he said. I agreed with him, smiled and said,"Let's go." We sat at a picnic table and devoured our food. It tasted so good. For a moment, we just sat there and watched all the people who were walking by. Finally, I suggested we get up and smoked a cigarette. We did, then had to go back to our stand. We took smoke breaks a few more times that night, but finally, when eight o'clock rolled around, I had to go. I told him it was nice meeting him and that maybe I'd see him around sometime. I doubt it though.
It was weird because as I was driving home, I felt the same feelings that I used to feel as when I'd drive home before. A mixture of meloncholy, regret, happiness ...... I thought about John and about a lot of experiences that happened to me there. I realized that I cannot go to that town. I realized why I stay away from it now. It's because whenever I go there, there is always a boy that steals, or almost steals, or tries to steal, my heart. Dave's right, everyday things change, but basically, they stay the same.