Monday, Feb. 07, 2005
The Truth and Nothing But ....
It was a somewhat dramatic weekend. Why do my weekends always seem to be like that? Can't I just have one weekend where everything falls into place? Can't I have a weekend where Adam and I don't get into some sort of a fight? Not saying that Saturday and Sunday were completly horrible, I'm just saying that both days had their ups and downs.
Things started off nicely. On Friday evening after work Liz and I went to Kymmy's house to visit her and baby Trey. I liked how she had their rooms set up too. Trey's room is connected to her room so she can get to him easily if he needs anything. The theme of the baby's room is Winnie the Pooh. She had Winnie the Pooh stenciled on the headboard of Trey's crib and on the walls. It looked really nice.
It was the first time I got to see the baby since he's been born. He's so little and so cute. While I was there he slept most of the time. The only time that he wasn't sleeping, he was eating. He's the quietest baby I've ever seen. She's lucky that he's so good.
Ana was supposed to go out to eat with Liz and I, but we had conflicting plans so she ended up not going. We only went to OIP for pizza but it still would have been nice to see her.
When Liz and I were finished eating, she dropped me off at my car so I could meet Adam at Danley's. This is always the part of the night when things turn sour....
Actually everything went wrong after we left Danley's and went to the Ends. After watching him lose over $100.00 gambling, I suggested that maybe he stop playing tickets. Well, I watched him lose all of his money while we were there. Maybe I shouldn't be pissed because it was his money, not mine, right? But I just hate sitting there and watching him waste his entire money for the weekend. I like gambling too, but I'm not a big spender.
I could tell that he was pissed off at himself for blowing that much money by the way he sat there and cringed as he opened the last ticket and saw only black numbers and no winners. He turns to me and says he has $100.00 coming to him at the Eagles for another board that he won. "Fine, I said. Let's go."
In my mind, the whole reason for going to the Eagle's was to collect the $100.00 and get the hell home; not gamble away this hundred too. Even if he wouldn't have spent that hundred, he would have still lost money, but at least he'd have a little of what he lost.
Everything was chaos at my house when we finally returned home. Whenever Malone has people over, his good friend Mike and his younger brother Steve are usually always there. I wasn't sure if they'd be there or not because their father died of cancer that very day. I felt horrible for both of them, but Steve especially because he was a wreck. He cried the whole night. He was so drunk too. He had been away at school when his dad was the worst so he didn't get to see him like that; whereas Mike did so it was a little easier for him to cope with it.
I always really worry about people like Mike though. The ones who comfort everyone else and keep a head on their shoulders. They always seem too calm and collected. I wonder if people like that will just realize that they can't take it and snap. Mike is strong though. I know he'll be okay.
It was just so emotional for everyone who was there. It was awkward for me because to start off, I'm not good in those situations. I never know what to say. I felt like I should say something, but didn't want to in case I said something that made them feel even worse. So I just gave each of them a hug and didn't say anything. Sometimes gestures are better than words.
Adam and I smoked with Mike; just the three of us. It was probably nice for him to have some time away from the chaos, even if it was only for about 15 minutes. He had to leave us because Steve was upset again and he wanted to try to calm him down.
Adam went out a few minutes after Mike left our room. He didn't come back for awhile. He came back to tell me that everyone was going to smoke a blunt and he wanted me to smoke too. I had had enough of him that night so I told him that I was tired and was going to stay where I was.
While he was in the livingroom, I was just laying in my bed by myself. Trying to sleep was impossible because there was too much noise and commotion going on. Since I didn't want to sleep, and I didn't want to be with everyone else, I smoked cigarettes and listened to the conversations going on between everyone else.
I heard Adam apologize to a kid who he yelled at earlier in the night. The kid rang our doorbell a few times than necessary and Adam flipped out. He yelled,"Stop ringing the fucking doorbell!!! Fucking once is enough!!!" After he apologized to him, I heard them talk about graduating in the year 2001....then proceed to say other things about ME. He said rude things, personal things, just things that I wouldn't want other people to know; like really personal things about our sex life. He was talking about it in such a crude way. That's what upset me.
When I confronted him about it and asked what he had said about me, he denied it. He told me that he didn't talk about me at all. Everyone was so loud so it made it really difficult for me to hear things clearly but I am 85% sure that he was. At first when I asked him if said anything about me, he looked at me and kind of smirked. Also, I just had this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right and I should be upset.
I woke up with the same feeling on Saturday morning. I asked him about it again and he denied it. So I let it go.
Before the pool match, we stopped to get a bite to eat. We called a few landlords while we were there to check on apartments. It turned out that a guy who was also eating there overheard us calling places. He came over and told us that he had apartments for rent and wanted to know if we would be interested in looking at one.
The apartment was nice but a little smaller than what we wanted. It was one bedroom with a livingroom, kitchen and bathroom. We'd like another room for storage or the computer, or for exercise equipment, etc. Heat was included in rent so I think that's what made us want to see what it was like.
The lanlord was actually Cheryl's (my sister's friend) old landlord. His daughter is friends with and graduated with my sister too. He seemed really nice but Adam said that he was caught by the police with a 14 yr. old girl sucking his dick. wow. haha.
That afternoon we went to the pool match. Adam lost his first match but won his second match. He shot an elderly man who was really good. He should be good; he's probably been shooting since the 1930's. Seriously, he was so old. It was kind of cool to think that after all these years he's still a good pool shooter.
From 8:30 - 12:30 that night I babysat. The kids went to bed only an hour after I got there so I watched "The Ashlee Simpson Show" and "Newlyweds" on their big screen tv. Adam came over to their house around midnight. We were going to shoot pool but since they keep the door to the pool room shut, it was very cold in there compared to the rest of the house so we sat on the couch and watched tv. I was still upset about the night before so I didn't really have anything to say to him.
He wanted to stop at the bar after we left for a drink. He was like,"Just one drink.." I agreed to it.
We ended up being there for longer than an hour. I finished my beer and he still had some of his left so I got another. I think I had three or four and I drink beer really slow. We were there for about an hour and a half I guess. I did have a good time though talking with everyone in there.
The only thing I have to gripe about is when Adam told one of his friends that I have no sense of humor. He said that I wasn't supposed to hear him say it. Well guess what, I did, and in my mind, that just confirms any thoughts I had about him talking about me on Friday night were true. If he can talk about me while I am sitting right there then he can talk about me when he thinks I'm asleep.
I thought the night was going to end on a good note....I was wrong. All of a sudden Adam got pissed off about the house that we looked at. Not at the house itself, but the situation the landlord was in regarding the 14 yr. old. He said that he'd rather move into his grandparents' house again than rent a place from this guy. He started making remarks about how that guy had been hitting on me earlier in the day because he touched my hair and told me that he liked it. I get lots of compliments about my hair.
He told me that he was going to sleep. I didn't feel like fighting so I said fine, then turned over on my side facing away from him and went to sleep myself.
Yesterday before the Superbowl we actually straightened our room up. We got laundry done and took trash out.
For the Superbowl, we went to Steve's. Kymmy and Justin were there, Liz, Liz's dad, her brother and Louie from New York was there. Louie was hilarious. He'd pull out this stack of money from his pocket and make a bet about every play. What a bookie! Patriots won; big surprise. The Eagle's will have another chance about 30 yrs. from now I'm sure.
I kind of passed out last night but was glad. I was so tired and I knew that if I didn't sleep then Adam would want to have sex. There was no way that I was having sex with him after some of the things I heard (thought?) him telling those guys on Friday night. You're probably wondering why I don't just ask one of the guys who was at my house about it, but it's embarrassing. Plus, I don't want to hear it from them, I want to hear it from Adam.
A lady from my work is crocheting me a scarf. I got the yarn for it this morning before work. I chose teal, purple, and off-white for colors. She's started it at work already and it's starting to look cool. We both like the color scheme.
And on my way out the door before I left this morning, I asked Adam,"So why were you mad at me on Friday night?" He mumbled that he didn't know so I told him I was leaving.
When I spoke with him on the phone earlier this afternoon, I asked again why he had been upset with me the other night. He said,"Why does this come up now and not all weekend?" I came back with,"Because I didn't want to ruin the weekend more than it already was."
I could have talked to him about it when I saw him on my dinner break, but he was at work and I didn't want to go in there and cause a scene at his place of employment with all the customers in there. So I guess I'll have to wait until later tonight to discuss it. I want to believe that he wasn't talking about me, but I just have a feeling, you know. This may all seem really petty to some of you, but you don't want the person you love talking about you negatively. If you love someone, you're supposed to stick up for them and talk about them admirably. That's what I do for him anyway. I just wish that I knew for sure if he is telling me the truth.