Aug. 16, 2004

Bad Weekend

My weekend wasn't good at all. Adam and I fought for the majority of the weekend. Friday night is when it started. He told me to meet him at the Eagle's after work, so I did. I was going to wait for him to finish shooting a game of pool, but wasn't going to have a drink. When I told him this he looked at me like he was really disgusted. He yelled at me for not having one, so I ordered a Bud Light to sip on.

We were supposed to leave almost directly after I got there but ended up staying an hour later because he got wrapped up in gambling. He kept digging himself deeper and deeper in debt and lost around $150.00 - $200.00. I tried to help him open some tickets so we could get out of there a little quicker, but again, he yelled at me for opening them.

Finally, we walk out the door (well, me first because he stayed in there and said goodbye to everyone) and start driving home. He says in these exact words,"So, I've been getting really good at masterbating now since you never want to have sex anymore." We hadn't had sex in two days so therefore, he thought I didn't want to have sex, or I was having sex with someone else. Neither of which are true. This is about the time I start bawling.

It feels like I cried the whole night because he kept making really rude, hurtful comments. Although I didn't feel like going back out, I went to Danley's with him for a drink that he didn't even finish. We were alright to one another at that point.

So we get home and smoke, and we even had sex.

The next day when we woke up I didn't even want to look at him or speak to him. I was polite, but not friendly and I didn't try to make conversation. He didn't either because he later told me that he didn't know what to say to me.

He had to work and I cried and told him that I was upset from Friday night even though he had apologized.

My mind was off of things for the most part while he was at work because I hung out with Liz and later Heather came over. So Liz, Heather, Justin and Plastic drank and played cards until I had to pick him up from work at midnight.

First we went home, then we smoked, after that we went to the Eagles. We didn't stay long and I am glad. Everyone was asking about our fight. They witnessed some of it at the Eagle's, but do not know the half of it. They don't know what he said to me or how much it hurt.

Throughout the night he kept apologizing and saying that it wasn't him, he was in a foul mood, he lost money, and he was drunk. I did forgive him. At least Saturday night was better than Friday.

We woke up on Sunday and Adam's friend Ben came over to smoke. He didn't stay too long because we were going to eat.

We stopped at Patty and Jack's place to use their phone and look at a newspaper to see if there were any dogs in the paper. We didn't see any. We were supposed to look for dogs Saturday but the night before he had said that he didn't want to even though all week he said that we could.

I ended up getting drunk unintentionally yesterday evening. We went to the East Ends and had two captain and pineapples, then to the Eagles and had four more. All in the course of about an hour an a half. There were about two and a half shots in each glass that I had. It hit me all at once. I was drunk. I told Adam that I wanted to go home because I was fucked up.

He dropped me off at home and he went to the One's. I got home and passed out right away. He called three times but I didn't hear my phone ring.

That night we smoked and watched tv. We tried to have sex but he kept getting soft. Said he didn't know what was wrong. Could have been because we had sex earlier that day, or because of drinking or smoking. Who knows.

This morning we were not off to a good start. He was pissed because I kept taking the covers from him and was slamming things around while I was getting ready. And I was pissed because he was pissed and I to thinking about the other night again.

He assures me that he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. I believe him, but he shouldn't have said the things that he did. I've said things that I haven't meant before, but not to him, and nothing to the extent of what he said to me on Friday night. Words do hurt; I don't care what anyone says. Whenever I think about it I get sad and teary eyed all over again. I even cried before work today. He keeps saying that it wasn't anything I did and I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Those words should not have been said. The only excuse he has for saying them was that he was 'drunk and in a foul mood'. That is exactly what his excuse was and I don't think it's a very good one.

I don't know what to do. I feel like our relationship might suffer from this.

missdahling at 8:04 p.m.