Oct. 13, 2004

Starting Effexor

Yesterday morning I went to the doctor�s. She prescribed a mood stabilizer called Effexor. I don�t know anyone else who takes it. I�ve been reading about it online and that�s basically all that I know about it. I was concerned about the side effects the medicine could have, but the doctor said that most people don�t have problems with it. I forgot to take it yesterday, so I�ll start it today. The package recommends that I take it with food, at the same time every day. I plan on taking it before I go on my dinner break which would be around 5:30. I really hope this medication helps me. I�ll try anything to be back to my normal self. I went to the Effexor website and took this self quiz to see how many symptoms of depression I had. My emotional symptoms included: lack of motivation, irritability, feelings of isolation, not as involved with family and friends, loss of interest in activities, Feeling worthless or guilty for no reason, and sadness. The physical symptoms were less; they include tension, low energy, and upset stomach. The emotional symptoms are what�s really bothering me; especially �not as involved with family and friends�, and loss of interest in activities�. I almost can�t stand the person who I�m becoming �.. for example�.

Last night, we were actually home really early. I went to the bar right after work, but we were only there for about thirty minutes. We went to the video store so he could rent Sopranos, then went right home. I left work in a great mood, but the mood was shot to shit almost as soon as we got home. Adam said he was going to the livingroom where Malone, Nicole, Steven, Mike and Dan were hanging out to ask Malone for Steve�s number so we could see about getting more weed. I knew he was going to stay out there for awhile, so I followed him out about five minutes after he left. When I got out there, everyone was playing Kings (drinking card game). It wasn�t fun for me, so I went back to our bedroom. I waited there for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually only about five minutes until I packed a bowl. I tried calling his phone to tell him to come back, but his phone was off. I didn�t want to go back out to the livingroom, so I started throwing things to get his attention. I know, it�s immature. He comes back to our room, and of course mentions it. He said it was controlling. He didn�t see why he couldn�t stay out there for a little while. I wanted to hang out with him, but not with everyone else. That is controlling and I know that I shouldn�t have made a big deal out of it, but I did. And I feel like a bitch. I never used to be like that. I used to be fun, love being around other people, very sociable, partier, etc. Now I�m boring, antisocial, and I don�t enjoy going out. I hate the person I�m becoming. I almost can�t stand myself. This needs to be stopped, so hopefully my medicine will turn me back to the old me.

missdahling at 6:22 p.m.