Jan. 27, 2004
Personality Change
I had my session with my therapist and my parents this morning. I was ten minutes late which did not make Nikki or my parents too happy. The fucking bitchy receptionist kept giving me strange looks. Looks as though she was better than me or something. She was working the last time I had an appointment and I thought she was a bitch then too.
We discussed my anger problem, which has been so much better lately. I haven't been lashing out, or screaming, yelling, etc. nearly as much as I had been. The major problems we talked about was respect. They decided that I need to start doing more to help out and I need to get my bills paid off.
My parents think that my attitude and personality has changed within the last year. My mom actually asked me if I smoked pot. I lied right to her face. I told her no. I said that the only thing I smoked were cigarettes. Maybe my attitude has changed a little, but not much. Everyone changes. The only reason they think I am different is because they started finding out the things that I do. They found out that I drink, smoke my Marloro Lights, have sex....well, that is just great. I don't care if they know about that stuff.
They also brought up the point that I used to go to church and they did not raise me to be like I am. Yes, it is true, I used to go to church, but I never enjoyed it. I never paid attention to the sermons that were given. I was just going through the motions; not being an active participant. I do believe in God, and heaven, so it makes me feel bad that I do not enjoy church. I am in a rut.
I don't want my parents to go to my sessions with me anymore. I don't want to go to the sessions. BTW, I am not discharged. I hate having to pay a 20.00 copay to attend something that I don't want to do. I'm not looking forward to Feb. 11th at 11:00 because that is my next appointment.
Am I that fucked up?