Oct. 15, 2003
A Little Help From My Friends
UGH!!! I haven't been to school in over a week. I just can't do this. I'm going to withdraw. I can't seem to concentrate on school...withwork and everything else. It pisses me off because I still don't know what career to pursue. There are only so many things that I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. Internet technical support is NOT one of them.
My job has been stressing me out lately. The customers that I have to deal with are totally out of control. It is really hard for me to be nice to someone who gets on my nerves as much as they do. Not to mention certain coworkers who drive me up the wall! I never knew this job could be so stressful. I'm going to have to stick it out because I don't know of any other job where I'll have benefits and a decent salary without hsving a degree of some sort. I would really like to be a stripper on the weekends, but that is a no go; obviously because of Adam.
Within the next few months, I want to move out of my house. I can't stnd living with my parents anymore. I am 20 years old (almost 21) and I need more freedom than this. Don't get me wrong, my parents treat me well and it isn't that bad, but I'd like to know what it's like living on my own. The bills will suck, but it would be a whole new experience. I haven't lived on my own since that first semester of college. I was only 18...I think I've done a lot of growing up since then.
School, work, and sometimes home is stressing me out lately. Thank goodness for my friends and boyfriend. They really help me get by. I smoked with Liz on Monday night. Then hung out with Adam.
Last night was the same deal - Liz's, then Adam's. Except I didn't smoke with Liz last night. We just watched tv and chilled.
For awhile I wasn't hanging out with my friends that much. I'm glad I'm starting to see them more often though. I like time with them. Having a life aside from a boyfriend is a good thing. I hate it when girls get a boyfriend and then all of a sudden forget about their other friends. Ana is a prime example of that, but that is a whole other story.
Things have been good between Adam and I over the past few days. I am trying hard not to let little things upset me, get pissed off over nonsense, be open minded, and most importantly, I am trying not to be selfish. I'm trying real hard. All these things for him. I must love him. I hope he loves me back. That's the scary thing- not knowing of someone loves you back. That's why I won't say it unless he says it to me first. I hate rejection. I know that he cares about me because he has told me; I know that he thinks I'm beautiful because he's told me...he even said that he would 'give his left leg for me'....but does he love me? Who knows...but I hope so. I think when/IF he ever says,"Jenn, I love you.", I will cry, and it would definitely be one of the most special days of my life.
What a thought........