Aug. 16, 2003
It's Unmentionable
I just got home from watching Freddy vs. Jason. I have a feeling that there will be yet another sequel. The whole concept of Freddy and Jason fighting each other is kind of corny, but I liked the movie anyway.
I told Adam about the ::unmentionable:: thing I did last Sunday. I thought it was going to be the end of our relationship. He was super pissed. He has never been that upset with me out of the 3 years I've known him. I told him that it happened on Wednesday instead of Sunday because I didn't see him Wed. night and I did on Sunday. I left the part about me sleeping with Vince out. I figured that would be way too much bad news for him. So, I'll just hope he doesn't find out about that. I still feel guilty. But, I vow never to sleep with Vince (or anyone)again while Adam and I are still together.
The things he was saying to me last night really hurt my feelings. I was sitting on his front porch crying while he was telling me to "go the fuck home." I would not leave. I wanted to try to sort things out.
He said,"You just lost tons and tons of my respect. I won't be talking to you for a long time."
I didn't even know what to say. I was feeling so horrible. I was so sorry that I fucked things up.
We walked around his block and he vented for awhile. I knew he was pissed when he said,"I'd rather ya sleep with Kevin!! And ya already did!!!"
When we got done walking, I still didn't want to go home, so we sat on the porch some more. He finally invited me inside and we watched tv for awhile, kind of not saying anything, but just chatting about normal things.
He asked if I wanted to go upstairs so I did. We layed on the bed together not saying a word. Then he goes,"Don't ever do anything like that again." I tried to say something, but he quieted me and said,"Don't....I'm not even thinking about it."
So I left it go. I had to leave almost right after we had sex because we were at his grandparent's house and we think they might have woken up.
I felt so bad about what I did. He didn't actually say that he forgave me, but things seemed somewhat back to normal towards the end. I really hope he calls me soon. I don't know what I'd do if this were the end of things. I need him.