Sept. 28, 2003

Still Painful

My cell phone rings at 5:30 this morning. I jumop out of bed and answer it. Of course it was Adam.

Since I didn't work today and could sleep as long as I wanted, I went to his house. Crazy, I know...but I haven't done anything like that in awhile. Not since he lived in Bloom. Thank God I don't have to do that kind of shady stuff too often anymore.

Everything was so nice when I got there. We were just laying in bed talking, and kept saying like,"I missed you so much baby."

I was so fucking pissed off/upset/sad when we tried to have sex. It just hurt too much. I couldn't do it. And I felt bad too because his dick was as hard as fuck and he goes,"If it hurts, then why do you let it go this far?" Then he looked down at his penis. I said that I was sorry and at this point, all I could do was cry.

We got dressed and went back downstairs. We decided that it wouldn't hurt to use some type of lubrication. Vasoline. It was about 7 o'clock and sure enough, his grandmother got up to start her day. So, we didn't even get to try it with the vasoline. I think it still would have hurt, although I didn't want to tell him that.

This is so embarrasing, and also scary. It's happened about 4 times within the past month. I just don't understand why sometimes it hurts and other times it doesn't. I really hope that nothing is seriously wrong. It is definitely time to see a doctor about this. I'll probably have to wait until Tuesday to call because I think they're closed on Mondays.

This just upsets me so much. :-(

missdahling at 1:36 p.m.