Mar. 11, 2003
I'm Still Smoking' ; What!
I am on Spring break all this week!!!
On Sunday night I went to Bloom (to visit 'him'). I love spending time with him. Being the champ that I am, I smoked more weed than anyone else that night.
'He' kept saying with much astonishment,"I cant believe youre still smoking!!"
He even packed 2 bowls (I think)for me, and only me. My parents would be so proud, right? heh.
We spent the night hanging out, smoking, listening to music, and watching movies. I wanted to hook up with Erik so bad, but when I looked at Adam who was sitting across the room, I just couldnt bring myself to do it. I felt bad for even thinking about it. I guess I really do like him.
I wish I could remember all that we talked about. He was saying the he always has to get ahold of me when we hang out.
"Jenn, I always think youre going to call me or stop by when youre partying at Bloom, but you never do."
I never call him because I always feel like Im bothering him. Why would I want to put forth the effort, when most of the time it seems as though they never want to, or care about hanging out with me. It works both ways as far as I'm concerned.
What really hurt me was the fact that he told me that my actions dont always show that I like him. It made me want to crawl under a rock and hide. Partly because I know this is true, and also because I DO like him more than he even knows. I just dont know how to express it sometimes.
'K'...all I will say is that everyone was making fun of me for that. I dont care. I happen to like him.
One of the weirdest, but coolest things out of the whole evening was when we were all just sitting around after we had smoked. They started playing guitars like they normally do. After one song was over, I asked if they would play something else. Erik asked what I wanted to hear, and 'he' told them to play me a rap song. You will never believe it!! They played Nelly, "Ride Wit Me'!! It actually sounded like the song too. I have never, ever heard Nelly on acoustic before. It was quite awesome.
Out of all the times I have ever spent w/ him, I can only think of like, 1 time that we weren't fucked up when we had sex. It's weird. At any rate, on Sunday night when we did it, it actually kinda hurt. I liked it though.
I wish I could hang out with him more often. It really makes me sad.