Monday, Jan. 07, 2008
Been In a Mood
I've been in a mood over the past week. I've just been stressed out over shit. Taking care of Olivia, working and taking care of the house has been taking a toll on me. Of course Adam helps out a lot but why does it seem like I do so much more? I hate bringing it up to him because I know and realize that his job is stressful and he works really hard during the week to provide for our family. Since I don't say too much my stress and anger builds up and then eventually I just explode which I did on Saturday night.
He decided to go out with his cousin, Brooke who is home visiting from California. I was not keen on the idea but said,"Fine ... just go." He was like,"Well, I don't want you to be mad at me..." Truthfully it didn't matter if he went out or not. If he went I would be upset and if he didn't go I would be upset anyway because we would have fought about me not allowing him to go out. Either way it was a lose lose situation. So he went and told me he wouldn't be gone long, only about an hour. Yeah, I know that story all too well.
An hour turned into two, then three, then four....
Olivia woke up around eleven pm with a cold. Stuffy nose, sneezing, she even spit up twice after I fed her. She wasn't fussy or anything but she was awake which is unusual for her. After about two hours I finally called Adam and totally flipped. "Adam, what the fuck?! I said, Only an hour, huh?!" "What?" he said. "You know, Olivia has been up for two fucking hours and I could use some help. You better come home NOW. Not an hour from now, not five minutes from now, NOW."
He arrived home about five minutes later. I handed her to him and said,"Here .. if you're going to be awake, you might as well be taking care of her instead of out drinking."
I went to bed then and I guess she was up for another two hours or so.
Ugh....I was pissed. I've mellowed out a little and we talked but things still aren't peachy between us. I just need a little more help for awhile then I'll be fine.
Adam is now running a new Texas Hold'em tournament on Sunday afternoons. This past Sunday was the first week of the twenty week tourny. It went really well. We had about sixteen players which is a pretty fair turn out seeing as it was only the first week. Next week we plan to have more players though so that will make the prize money bigger. Adam won. He usually does well and cashes out in most tournaments he plays in. It's sort of like a second income for us.
Tonight Adam called me and told me he was staying overnight in Jersey. I almost cried but instead, I had a mini fit which was stupid because I know that he can't help staying over. He was running late and it wouldn't be worth him driving home since he is working close to where he is tomorrow. I was just sad because I wanted to spend the evening together and possibly get things ironed out between te two of us.
So here I am... sitting at home be myself (well, with Olivia and the dog, Chanel. I gave Olivia a bath a little earlier and soon she will be going to sleep. Then I can relax. I'm going to try to have some 'me' time. I am lonely though tonight.