Wednesday, Jul. 12, 2006

deja vu from last summer

Adam can sometimes be the most irresponsible human being on earth.

Today, just before lunchtime, he called me at work. The first words out of his mouth were,"Don't be pissed off."

Just hearing those words sent by blood pressure through the roof. "What's wrong?" I said through gritted teeth, trying hard to be pleasant because my coworkers were around.

Again, he tells me'not to be pissed off. My heart was beating fast and I was already feeling very angry. The seconds seemed like hours while I waited for him to tell me what had happened. I braced myself for the worst. What I heard was not 'THE worst', but pretty close to it.

"You owe parking ticket fines and the constable was here."

'You've got to be fucking kidding me,' is what I was thinking. Instead, I tried to remain calm in front of my coworkers, so I asked what the constable had said. Adam didn't actually talk to the constable, he called the magistrates office as the constable was driving away which is how he found out the constable's reason for being at our house.

I wanted to sit down and cry. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to think about all this because I was confused. I said,"How many tickets do I have? I thought they were paid."

Never. Ever. Again, will I send or trust Adam to pay my bills. He was supposed to pay them the day after we got ticketed. He told me that he would; he even offered to pay them, and stupid me, I believed him.

When I arrived home later on, after I got off work, I started bitching and questioning as to why they were not paid. He told me that 'he didn't know.' Well, how the fuck can he not know?!!!! In the middle of my yelling, I all of a sudden came to a realization. I narrowed my eyes, gave Adam a very cold look and said,"Did you pay the electric bill with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"No, I didn't," he responded.

I asked him what he spent it on and at first, he wouldn't answer me. I pressed the issue and got the answer I expected which was,"I gambled." That set me off. I was one hundred percent pissed off.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" I screamed.

He told me that the money I gave him to pay the electric bill was 'my contribution'. No! It wasn't a contribution, it was the payment. It was only fifty bucks, but it's the whole principle of the situation. I gave him money to pay a bill and he spent it on himself and has nothing to show for it.

Whenever we fight, he always gets defensive and it's a character trait that really works my last nerve (god knows, I don't have many left). Like always, he told me to pack my stuff and leave and that he 'didn't need this'. "Like you're perfect!" he shouted. Of course I am not, but holy shit; he is the one who fucked up.

Yes, I nag him a lot but it's because I have to. Otherwise, daily household things (i.e. cleaning, paying bills, etc.) will never get done unless I do everything by myself. Never in my life did I ever think I would end up with a guy who is so frivilous with money and so god damn irresponsible. It's like living with a teenage boy sometimes. Doesn't he realize that he is in his mid twenties and not sixteen years old anymore? I don't know how else to get through to him without nagging.

I said to him,"I'll stop acting like a bitch when you stop being so irresponsible." That could be never.

Tonight, Adams is in Manhattan with his job, so I am stuck to deal with paying the constable tomorrow before I go to work (at 8:15am). I am no longer angry, but I am sad. I'm sad that Adam would do this to me....again....

Friday is his birthday and he mentioned that he wants to go out. He wants me to go with him but I won't. I don't want to go because 1.) We didn't do shit for my birthday. He didn't even get me a card or offer to take me out to dinner or anything. 2.)He didn't come to my grandmother's funeral with me. 3.) Why should I do anything for him after what he put me through last summer with the constable and what happened today resulting from his actions.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off alone. Once in awhile, I wonder if I'm just better off without him. Most of the time though I can't imagine being without him. I hate the fact that I've become dependant upon him so as much as I am. I fucking hate it.

missdahling at 9:50 pm