Monday, Feb. 13, 2006

Doing Well

Here I am, back at the hotel for just another week. It's hard to believe that it's week number two already. It seems as though I just got hired for this job, but that was a month ago already. As of late, it seems like everything in life is going by at warp speed. When I think about the fact that Christmas is over, my birthday is over and now it is almost March, I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I wish that things would slow down a little so that I don't feel so overwhelmed. I know, I know, I just spent the past three and a half / four months being unemployed; you would think that I could have taken time to slow down then, but like everything else, my time being unemployed went by quickly too.

On Friday night after I got back into my home town, I immediatly went to my parents' house for three reasons. First, is because I knew they would have dinner ready and would let me eat with them. Lucky for me, I rolled into town just around the time they normally eat and I was starving from not having food in my stomach since lunch time. The second reason I went there was because Adam was at work and I needed some time to kill before he got home. Thirdly is because I just wanted to see them. Believe it or not, I missed mom and dad!

The dinner that we had wasn't one of my favorite meals; fish and macaroni and cheese, but since it was a homecooked meal, it tasted pretty damn good. Besides, anything that my mother makes almost always tastes good, no matter what it is. She could probably make dog shit taste edible, that's how good of a chef she is. It's funny that I say that now because when I was younger and living there, I think I took everything for granted; not just the good meals, but all the little things that my parents did for me. I try to make it up to them when I go there by doing the dishes or packing lunches for my dad and younger sister for the next day so that my mother doesn't have to do it. I was never able to see just how hard my mom and dad work until I was out of the house.

I stayed at my parents' until about eleven pm. I watched tv with them and surfed the internet. I was relaxing so much that I didn't even realize that it had been getting late. I said good night to my dad who was the only one in the house still awake (my mom goes to bed early because she has to get up around five am), then headed home.

Adam was already home when I arrived. I opened our front door and the familiarity of the place made me glad to be there. My cat, Monsieur greeted me at the bottom of the steps and my other cat, Panther came charging down the steps when she heard my voice. Adam seemed to have thought that they missed me because they weren't quite acting like their usual selves during the week, but I do wonder what they were really thinking. I am certain that they didn't miss me as much as I missed them.

After I was reunited with the cats, I went upstairs to Adam. I felt as though I had never left when I saw him sitting in the chair in our bedroom, playing Madden. We hugged each other after I had taken off my shoes and got comfortable. The hug lasted awhile because I held on a little longer, feeling so many things awhile I clung to him. I was so happy to see him and realized that I missed him so much while I was away. However, at the same time that I was thinking that, I couldn't help but think about the stress that we put each other through during the week with our fighting and name calling and drama. That made me feel really bitter towards him, yet I still didn't let go of the embrace.

That night, Adam and I really had a chance to catch up with each other. Even though he came to visit last week, we spent a lot of time fighting and being resentful towards one another that we didn't really have a good visit. I informed him how my week had went and of all the new things I learned. He told me about work and our friends that he saw and just what had been going on at home while I had been away. I didn't miss much, but it felt like I had been gone forever. I didn't realize it, but I was dead tired from getting up early all week. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow on Friday night. I don't even remember my last thought before I went to sleep.

Maybe I am getting used waking up early because I awoke at seven thirty am / eight am on Saturday morning on my own. I glanced at the red numbers on the clock and was glad I had the chance to sleep in. We didn't get up for good until around eleven am / noon. I got showered and dressed while Adam went to shoot pool.

Since Adam got fired from his job bartending, he had stopped going to the pool matches. The guys on his pool team are all people who he met while tending bar. Some of them are bosses and managers while others are customers who came in everyday and a lot of them are in the group we play cards with every Saturday night. For a few weeks, it was really hard for him to face everyone. He felt really embarrassed about what he had done and didn't know whether or not those same people who had been good friends would still accept him. He has been attending the card games for a few weeks now, and on Saturday, he decided to go to the pool match for the first time since that shit happened.

I was glad that he decided to go. I think it eased his fears about seeing everyone again. I can tell that things might be a little awkward right now, but I think that with time, everything will be back to the way they were before. All of the guys treated him in the same friendly way as they always had. The team lost their match, but for Adam, it was a victory because he overcame his fear of seeing everyone for the first time after the incident took place.

We did horrible playing cards that night. Neither Adam or I placed in the money out of all three games that we played. After we had both lost the first game, I said ,"Are we okay with money?" If we weren't, I suggested that we go home rather than lose anything else, but Adam said to me,"Yeah, we're fine. We have plenty of money." He did mention that he would have liked to place in the next game, but I would have too. I should have known that he said that because we were, in fact, almost out of money. I wish he wouldn't have lied and said we were fine.

It wasn't until Sunday evening that I found out he only had ten dollars in his wallet. I was broke because I spent my money during the week on gas and food which he knew about as of last Wednesday when he came to visit me. He also knew that my checking account only has about one hundred dollars in it which isn't a whole lot. At least I am honest about my finances (or lack there of) and wouldn't spend money playing cards when there isn't really any money to spend in the first place. It pissed me off that he led me on, letting me think our funds were okay when they were actually not.

"Well, what am I going to use for gas money and food money for this week?" I asked him awhile trying to hold back tears.

Last week, when I told him that I didn't have a lot of money in my account, he told me that he would give me enough money to get by this week. I reminded him of this and he answered,"You're going to have to take a check to the bar and cash it. This week I'll make a deposit into your account so that the money will be there when the check clears." The bar that we sometimes cash checks at holds the checks for a week because they always get the deposit ready on Sunday morning and it then goes to the bank on Monday.

He waited until seven pm on Sunday night to let me know I had to cash a check in order to have money for the week and that really pissed me off. I was less pissed off about him telling me I needed to do that at last minute and more pissed off that he allowed us to spend all of our money playing cards the night before. This morning as I was getting ready to leave, I made a big deal out of it. I was already late and had to take more time out of my schedule to cash the check and get gas. Once I got on the road, I was fine. Luckily, I made good time getting here and was on time for my class.

This afternoon after training was finished, I came home, turned the tv to the food channel and took a two hour nap. I didn't even know how exhausted I was. Hopefully now that I'm rested, I will be able to get back into the routine of not going to bed so late and getting up early. Last week I was fine so I'm sure I will be this week too. It's just kind of hard breaking one routine (staying up late and getting up in the middle of the afternoon) and starting one that is brand new. I actually do like this schedule once I get used to it. So far though, I think I'm adjusting rather well.

missdahling at 9:31 pm