Thursday, Nov. 03, 2005

It Could Be Worse

Since I don't update on a regular basis anymore, I don't even know where to begin ... I'm not sure what to write about or what order to put it in. I've been doing well, but basically not doing a whole hell of a lot.

It's become a routine for me to visit my parents at least one evening a week, usually being Wednesdays so that I can go to Bibly Study with them. Granted, I'm not becoming a 'Jesus Freak' or anything, but it's something I enjoy; finally finding a place where I can go and not feel like I'm being judged for this or that. Then, however, when I return home to my boyfriend whom I live with, find myself at the bar drinking later that night, then to come home to enjoy a nice bowl of weed, it makes me feel like somewhat of a hypocrite. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm going to Bible Study for the wrong reasons. Reasons being to please my parents because I know it will make them happy if I attend, and because it makes me feel like I'm a better person despite my other actions that totally contradict the latter. I am glad that I'm spending more time with my parents than I had in the past two years though.

Instead of being greeted loudly by my sister's dog, Mickey two weeks ago when I went to visit my parents, I heard nothing. My car pulled into the driveway and there was complete silence. The night before, my mom had noticed that he had a cut on his leg. Well, by the time morning arrived, he couldn't even walk on his own. He was taken to the vet's where they tried to remedy the septic infection in his leg. Unfortunately, no success, even though by that night, the vet said that he was doing significantly better. His condition started to decline again and he suffered through the night. He had suffered long enough though. My parents had to make the tough decision deciding to put him to sleep. I miss him and so do they; especially my sister, but we are all glad he's been put out of his misery.

Last week, my grandmother broke her ankle at her assisted living home. She fell and was rushed to the hospital where she stayed for a few days. Poor woman had just gotten out of the hospital after being sick, then had to be put back in because of her fall. What really sucks is that she could not return to her assisted living home where she had resided for the past few years. She was transferred to a regular nursing home because the nurses at the assisted living facility can no longer care for her in the ways that she needs. She isn't as self sufficient and will need more care than they can provide. Even her mind isn't as good as it used to be. Lately she keeps mixing things up and forgetting a lot which is unusual to me because in the past, no matter how bad she got physically, her mind was always in good health. She is getting old and that really scares me. I know that I'm only running away from the problem, but I try not to think about it.

Another thing I'm running away from is finding a job or finding something to do with my life. I have so many decisions to make within the next few months that I simply do not want to think about it. My unemployment runs out in April and yes, I know that it's awhile away, but let's face it. Time goes by very quickly. Just like I don't think about my grandmother's situation, I try not to think too much about my job situation either. Even so, in the back of my mind, I always am. But, before I know it, time will force me to make a decision about whether to go back to school, or find a full time job. People say that you have all the time in the world to decide what you want to be in life and who you want to become. I tell myself that too, but I'm not sure if I believe it. Life is short; sometimes too short, and goes by in the blink of an eye.

In about a month and a half it will be Christmas. I've rethought my Christmas ideas for everyone. I am working on a scrapbook for my parents. I've decided that a scrapbook would be a better gift than a storebought one anyway. My mom at least appreciates things like that. My dad, well, it's hard to tell what he likes. He never says he needs or wants anything. In addition to that, if I have the money, I'll get them a gift certificate for a restaurant so they can enjoy a night out for once. My two sisters will be easy to buy for. After much prodding, I got Adam to tell me what he was getting me for Christmas; not that I expected much because I know we can't afford much right now. He is getting a new computer for both of us. For his gift, he has asked me to take on the task of setting up internet service which won't be a problem. I thought his idea was a good one because it's something we both can use. By Christmas time, I'll be able to use the computer all of the time again. I'm so excited actually.

During the next couple of months, I want to read a lot of books. I've just finished one, a Wally Lamb book called I Know This Much is True. It was a good book and I wasn't disappointed with it at all. If anyone else knows any good books, please feel free to make some suggestions.

Aside from the things mentioned above, my life has been fairly mundane. On the weekends Adam and I do the same things as we always had before I got laid off. We go to his pool matches, and play cards on Saturdays nights. It's okay for us to play cards because we (:knock on wood:) usually always end up coming out ahead. Last Saturday we were up fifty dollars. Besides, I can't really think of another activity where you can make that much money. Another good thing about it is that we usually start the game around seven pm and get done around five in the morning. Aside from that, not much has been going on. It seems as though my days all run together even though I haven't been doing much. I can't keep track of which day is which and what Ive done of those days, but life isn't bad. I just tell myself that things could always be worse.

missdahling at 3:16 pm