Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005

One Door Closed

On Tuesday, right before my shift was about to end, my boss sent me an instant message telling me that he needed to talk to me about something and would like me to go into his office. Wondering what he needed to speak to me about, I shut all my programs down, then proceeded into his office. He shut the door behind me while I took a seat on one of the chairs facing his desk. He sat down with a serious expression on his face and clasped his hands in front of his chest. "This cannot be good," I thought. Many thoughts were racing through my head for the split second before he started talking. First I thought that I did something wrong and was about to get reprimanded for it. Then, I thought that he wanted to talk to me about another employee for some reason or another. Maybe my yearly evaluation was due? I mean, it seemed as though every year it came up by surprise. For a very brief second I thought that maybe, just maybe he wanted to praise me for something good that I had contributed to the company. I swear, every possible thought and scenerio ran through my head except for what I was about to be told.

"Jenn, I'm going to be cutting some hours," my boss said.

I looked at him and asked,"How many hours will I be getting?"

He sighed, then told me,"I'm going to have to lay you off. We're downsizing," he explained.

Oh my god .... I had no idea how to even respond so I stared at him with the blankest expression on his face and said,"Oh!! Okay...."

He went on further to explain how the company has had too many cancellations within the past year and that something needed to be done. He told me that he tried to wait until October to see if business would pick up, but it has not.

"Definitely go to the unemployment agency tomorrow morning. They will give you all the information you'll need to file."

Still in shock, I actually sort of smiled and was just like,"Oh, alright! Where is the unemployment office?"

"Well, I've been there twice in my life. It used to be on street blah, blah, blah ......"

Suddenly his voiced faded and I was no longer listening to him. What am I going to do for money? How are the bills going to get paid? What will I do for another full time job? Just, what the fuck?????!!!!!!!

After that there wasn't much else said. When I walked out of his office I felt numb. I didn't have any feeling at all. I honeslty felt like a zombie or like I was sleepwalking when I went to my desk for the last time to clean out my drawers. Old credit card statements, cellular phone bills, birthday cards, deodarant, and makeup were put into a bag and taken out to my car. Some things were left behind such as two books, and an issue of Cosmo from 2003. I didn't care though. All I wanted at that moment was to get the hell out of there. I wanted out partially because I was embarassed / ashamed and partially because I wanted to be out of there before my boss left for the day. I didn't want to face him again. Although I don't know why because I didn't do anything wrong; the company was downsizing which was not my fault.

Up until the point when I called Adam, which was only about five minutes after I pulled out of the parking lot, I was able to hold back my tears. His voice sounder happy when I called. He asked what I was up to and how my day had been. I told him not good, then blurted out the bad news. The shock in his voice mirrored the shocked expression on my face when my boss told me, I'm sure. Adam told me now to worry, and that it wasn't my fault. The tears really started to fall and my voice trembled as I asked him what we were going to do about the bills. Again, he told me not to worry because he makes enough money to pay for rent, utilities, and spending money. His only request was that I keep up with my car payment and car insurance with my unemployment check. I could handle that. I felt so much better and at ease after I talked to him. I was glad that I called him right away. Originally, I was thinking that I was going to wait until later that night to tell him because honestly, I didn't know how I was going to break that news to him. He was so great about it though, not getting upset. I love him and am so glad that he's standing by me through this.

This January would have been my four year anniversary at that job. I started working there part time in 2002....didn't seem like it was that long ago. I am trying to look at this situation in the most positive aspect that I can. I will get unemployment for six months. I filed for it today. I am thinking that I will take it easy for a few months, put applications in, and even think about going back to school. Both Adam and my mother told me that I should look into getting a job at a college so that I would be able to take classes for free. Plus, living on my own would get me a lot of financial help. That is always an option and one that I really think I should pursue. We'll see.

Really, I should have seen this coming. At the beginning of the summer, a part timer was laid off. Then, just three weeks ago, two other employees were laid off. One was a fulltime worker, and the other was on maternity leave and was scheduled to come back in about a week. My boss asked her not to. That surprised me because she had been working with the company for six years. Slowly, the staff at that place is dwindling down. Later, on the night it happened (Tuesday, October 11th), when Adam came home from work, he gave me a big hug, said he was sorry, and that things would be okay. He turned to me and said that he told by a worthy source that the company was up for sale. It could be a rumor, but most likely it is true. Last year when my boss bought three other companies, I thought to myself,"Oh god ... he's building this place up so he can sell it ...." I thought that because it is exaclt what he did with his last company. I guess it might be happenening again. Who knows. Adam's source said that the company is majorly in debt and my boss is just about ready to declare bankruptcy. How true that is, I don't know.

The only thing that I can do right now is think positively. Now that I know the financial situation will get along just fine I can do that. My mother was very surprised when I told her, but she said to me,"When one door closes, another one opens." And that's how I'm trying to see things.

missdahling at 4:01 pm