Monday, Mar. 21, 2005 and Tuesday, Mar. 22

Entry from Fri, March 18 and Tuesday, March 21

This is my entry from Friday...

There were no results from the tests that the hospital ran on Adam last night; not so far anyway. The poor guy was at the hospital for over three hours. They took x-rays of his chest and apparently found nothing abnormal. When his chest first started hurting, his initial thought was that he had some form of pnemonia. They would have seen pnemonia from the x-rays though so it must not be that. I was a little upset last night when I asked what the doctor said about his chest and all Adam said was,"He didn't really say much ..." They gave him an inhaler to use four times a day for ten - fourteen days.

Over my lunch break I stopped by his work to see how he was doing. He told me that his chest doesn't feel as bad as it did last night, but he is not one hundred percent better. "Don't smoke too many cigarettes or else you will irritate it again,"I warned. Last night he told me that he was going to quit smoking, so we'll see what happens there.

If he does decide to quit, I will try to quit as well just because it will be easier for him to stop. I've noticed that couples usually quit together. It would be hard to be around a smoker all of the time when you're trying to kick the habit. I've always said that I will quit the day I get pregnant. I'm not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon, but I will quit earlier if Adam is going to.

I can't even remember when I actually became a fulltime smoker either. It's weird, it just occurred gradually. In the past, when people would ask me if I smoked, I could reply by saying,"Yes, I smoke. But only when I drink." I couldn't taste a difference in brands of cigarettes, nor could I tell the difference between menthol and non-menthol due to only smoking occassionally. Usually when I was already intoxicated, I would bum cigarettes off of friends or random people at parties. It was actually a good conversation starter...."Hey, do you have a light?" or "Hey, could I bum a smoke off of you?" It got to the point where I'd buy a pack of Marlboro Lights before a party just so I could smoke them that night. The next day I'd still have a few cigarrettes left in the pack so I'd throw them out or save them for the next night of drunken debauchary.

Being one of the only nonsmokers at my place of employment probably also contributed to my smoking habit. My coworkers would always take cigarette breaks; two times a day, for ten minutes each break. Pretty soon, I too started taking breaks in between answering phone calls. It was somewhat of a stress reliever. If I had a nasty customer on the phone, it only seemed natural to go outside, smoke a cigarette and cool down before going back inside and doing more technical support. Soon thereafter that, I guess I started smoking outside of parties and outside of work.

Honestly, I don't think I am addicted to the nicotine. I don't need the nicotine in my system, it's just the general routine of automatically lighting one up when I get into my car, after sex, when I drink, or when I'm bored, etc. The vast majority of my close friends smoke too. And when we're together; especially Liz and I, we smoke like there's no tomorrow. It's horrible. I don't want to be one of those old woman with the raspy voice and smokers cough. More importantly though, I don't want to get cancer and die at a young age or end up suffering a long, painful death. I don't want to do that to the people I love. I would feel horrible if Adam, my friends and family had to watch me suffer.

Now that I'm writing this, I'm finding all the more reasons to quit. I will not be a smoker for the rest of my life. I should probably quit before it is too late. I hope it will be as easy to quit as I think it will be ... I may be cursed. Hope not though.

------------------------------------------------------------------ Diaryland would not let me do a new entry last night so I wrote one in Word and saved it as a draft in my email. Here it is....enjoy.

Cigarette consumption for Saturday, Sunday and Monday - one pack. This is a big step for me seeing as I usually smoke a pack or more per day. I'm still taking the cigarette break at work though, but not as many. I'm limiting myself to only one smoke break a day while at work. Whenever I feel the need for another one I am forcing myself to go to the break room and get a glass of water. I'm not really craving either...I'm proud of myself thus far.

Adam is also cutting back on the Camel Light intake. It's a lot harder for him because he works in a bar and can light one up whenever he wants to. He's feeling a lot better but still following the doctor's orders and doing the breathing treatments everyday; four times a day. I'm glad he's alright. I was worried about him the other day.

The next time Adam plays cards I think I'll try playing too; even though I could never get the betting down pat when playing Hold 'Em. I went with him to a friend's house on Saturday night and watched the game while everyone else played. I think I could get the hang of it. He says it won't be hard. Since I didn't play, I ended up sitting there and drinking quite a few beers. By the time we left I was flat out drunk. I didn't even finish my beer at the bar afterwards. I took a nice nap when I got home, then woke up and watched a movie.

This is how nice my parents are. They came to my house on Sunday afternoon, picked me up, took me to WalMart, and bought me a few things that I needed. They bought me a garbage can, a microwave, curtain rods, and a few other items. Not only did they buy me things, but they helped me clean the house after we were done shopping. My dad washed the windows downstairs and my mom helped me get the kitchen in order. She lined the cabinets with contact paper while I rewashed our dishes. I thanked them profusely and they said that it was part of my Easter present. Even so, Adam and I are taking them out for dinner in a few weeks. I took them for granted when I lived at home. They're such great people.

I still need to get Adam a little something for Easter. I might buy him 'World Championship Pool 2004" for playstation or some type of pool shooting video game. He rented a pool game at the video store over the weekend and really liked playing it. He doesn't have a game like that and I know that he'd play it often. So tomorrow night after work I'm going to hunt for one. Hopefully they will have something similiar at WalMart. If I buy a few other little odds and ends, he will be set. For my sisters, I made them each little Easter baskets. I filled a plastic container that looks like an Easter egg with odds and ends. On Saturday night when I go over for dinner I have to remember to bring them along.

My family is having Easter dinner on Saturday night instead of Sunday because my mother has to work and my sister goes back to college that afternoon. That means that I'll get a homecooked meal not only on Saturday night, but Sunday too because I'm sure that Adam and I will go to his grandparents' house Sunday for lunch. For the most part, I only eat home cooked meals on holidays.

By the time I picked Adam up from work last night I was pretty beat. He even got to leave a little early last night because there were only about three people in the bar. Still, I was tired. After work Aaron and I smoked a bong at my house, then Liz and I smoked at her house. Adam and I started watching Shallow Hal when we got home, but I fell asleep shortly after it started. Faintly, I could the sound of windows logging on. Adam was playing a computer game. I drifted back to sleep and woke up a little while later. Actually, Adam was waking me up to have sex. I didn't mind the least bit either. It was wonderful.

We haven't been having sex very often lately. I'd say that within the past two weeks, we've had sex maybe a total of four times. That is horrible for us. We used to have sex a lot more than four times a week. Subconsciously it was bothering me too. I'm always so afraid that the 'spark' between us is somehow going to diminish. This coming July, it will be five years since I've met him. Even after five years, I still feel exactly the same way about him as I did before. My heart still skips a beat everytime I see him and every once in awhile I still get flustered and tongue tied when talking to him. Not many people have or will ever make me feel that way. It's amazing.

I just found this entry from almost exactly two years ago when Adam was not my boyfriend, but the guy to call at 2am on a Friday night after a party and vice versa. Now, he's not only the guy who calls me at 2am on a Friday night, but he is also the guy who calls at 2pm on a Wednesday just to tell me he loves me. Our relationship has really come a long, long way.

And now ...... (A) Recommend to me: 1. a movie: 2. a book: 3. a musical artist, song, or album: (B) Ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want and I will post the answers in a new entry. (C) Copy and paste this meme in your blog, allowing your friends to ask you anything.

^Compliments of nikki-lish

missdahling at 5:10 pm