Mar. 19, 2003
He's my Past, Present, and Future
I think about the future a lot. Mostly, I think about the future that 'him' and I will have together. What we will be doing, where we will be living, or if we ever have a future together.
Honestly, I can picture myself marrying him, and having children with him someday. You're going to think I am a crazy, stalker-type person (I'm not), but I envision our wedding day. I have a clear picture in my mind of our reception, walking down the aisle, all our friends and family being there...
No matter how hard I try, he is always a part of my life. There are always times when I say I won't talk to him, and in the end, it just doesn't happen.
Last year at parties, it didn't matter what party I went to, where I was supposed to be staying; at the end of the night, I would always find myself at 'his' house.
The fact that I cannot seem to push him out of my life has to say something, right? Does it prove that I actually like (maybe even love) him? Or does it only explain that I have no will-power?
One of these days, if I build up enough courage, I will actually tell him that I don't want to see him anymore. I'll tell him that I don't want to continue this relationship.
Then, if he really does like me, he will try his hardest to get me to stay. He'll finally realize what a great girl I am and he will want an actual relationship with me, instead of being my friend-with-benefits (even though he says it is more than that).
That is the day that I am waiting for. I cannot wait for the day when he realizes that I mean everything to him.
It's weird to think about what the future can hold.