Monday, Jan. 03, 2005

Bad Start to the Week

My New Year's Eve wasn't that great. On Thursday night Adam stated that he didn't want to go out at all. I believe he said,"I don't want to go out at all tomorrow night. Who cares if it's the new year."

He worked on New Year's Eve day until 8 while I stayed at home playing Tiger Woods most of the day until Megan picked me up at five when she got off work.

She took me to our parent's house so we could celebrate Madison's 7th birthday. We had cold shrimp, crab dip and crackers, and chips for appetizers and then stuffed shrimp and baked potatoes for the main meal. The food was excellent. I wish I could have tried the cake my mom made because it looked like it tasted so good, but until I had all that food in my stomach, I was too full.

I sat around my mom and dads' until Megan was ready to go back into town. She was heading up to Bloom with some frieds for a party.

Nicole and Malone went to Bloom too. They went to a party at Adam's old apartment. The people who live there now were having a formal. During the day Nicole and Malone told me that I should try to talk Adam into going.

His old apartment...88...The place where I had so much fun each time I went there. The place where some nights I'd spend the night with Kevin instead of Adam. I have so many great memories from there though. To this day I can still remember what it was like walking into the apartment for the first time. I can remember the atmosphere and the people from the house. When Adam lived there, I was having the time of my life. I had fun everyday; I wasn't depressed or sad... I was living life and having fun. It's weird how I can remember so many details (even though I didn't go into them) about his old apartment but not what it's like to be completly happy.

I was thinking about this when I got back to my empty apartment. I was by myself for a few hours until Adam got home. He went out for awhile after he got off work. I waited and waited for him to get home. It seemed like I waited for eons. I sat there thinking about how nobody should be by themselves on New Year's Eve or holidays and how awful it must be for those who have no choice. Just those few hours that I was by myself made me think about it. And when I looked at the clock and it read 11pm, I panicked and didn't think he was coming home until early in the morning when the bars closed. I thought, 'How could he do this?! I don't even get a New Year's eve kiss...'

He did come home right around 11 o'clock. But I didn't get my New Year's eve kiss anyway. His cell phone rang at about 11:30. He answered and it was Erik calling from Malone's phone. They talked and talked and talked for such a long time. I could hear everyone in the background from the party that Malone and Nicole were at. He talked to a few different people and then left the room which I thought was rude. He told me that Erik and him had a very important conversation concerning incidents that happened in the past. To make a long story short, some guys fucked Adam over and he ended up having a lot of his belongings stolen. Just an ugly situation. He went out into the kitchen to talk and I layed in bed half trying to listen and half not even caring. I could have swore that I heard him say,"I'm not having sex with (insert name)." Whatever.

By the time he came back it was already past midnight. The new year had just begun. He wanted kisses when he got back into the room but I was thinking,'What was the point? The new year started already. You didn't want to kiss me then, so don't kiss me now."

The rest of the night we just hung out smoking and drinking beer and eggnog.

It was alright, but not the New Year's eve that I expected.

The only other exciting thing I did over the weekend was last night. We went out to dinner and used the gift certificate from Harry and Dixie. I got shrimp scampi which was good but didn't have as much garlic on it as I like. The strawberry daquiries made with icecream taste so good. I was stoned while we were there so I was relaxed and all was good.

We came home and played Tiger Woods until 3 in the morning...but we did the same thing New Year's eve and on Saturday night too. The game is so addicting. We gave Tiger 2004 to Malone and Nicole and now they're playing it too. The whole house is on a Tiger extraveganza. But it's so fun.

Last night I promised Adam that I was going to have a really good week. That's the last time I make that promise to him because whenever I do, I have a horrible week. I seriously do.

This morning I woke up, looked around the room and realized how messy it was. We were supposed to clean it and pick up all the beer cans last night but didn't. We always say that we're going to clean together but we don't. I end up doing it on a weeknight when I come home from work. This pissed me off as I was getting ready this afternoon.

I remembered the promise that I made to Adam last night and tried to tell myself that I didn't mind living in filth. I drove to work my normal route and as I was making a left, there was a car in my lane, going the wrong way. He had to jerk the steering wheel right to avoid hitting that asshole head-on. As I was moving, I must have hit a parked car because the next thing I knew, my mirror on the passenger side was not there anymore.

I called Adam crying and told him what happened. When I talked to him a little while ago he said that he called a car dealership that we have in town and it would cost about $300.00 for 2 new mirrors (the mirror on the drivers side still isn't fixed) and it would be shipped overnight. Not as bad as expensive as I thought but still made my day miserable.

As I sit here at work and think about it, the angrier it makes me. It angers me even more because work is total hell today. Calls are coming in left and right. I've been typing this entry for over two hours because as soon as I start typing something, a call comes in.

A guy called and was giving me a hard time about his DSL service and asked to speak with my superviser who had gome home from the day. He was even more pissed off when I told him that and then demanded to speak with the president of the company, who had also left for the day. I put him into my boss' voicemail and had to choke back tears as I told him that he was being transferred. This is the first time in awhile that I got flustered and upset because of a customer.

I wish I were happier with myself and didn't let little things bother me. I want to be able to tell myself that everything will be okay and believe it. I wish that I could look at things from a positive perspective or at least make the best of a bad situation....but I can't. Not yet. Not until I learn to control myself and deal with things better. I not only need to do that for me; I need to do it for everyone else around me too.

missdahling at 2:31 p.m.