May. 13, 2004
Isn't She Lucky
Lately, I feel like I have been getting fatter. My clothing seems to fit me the same, but I just feel like I am gaining weight. I even felt like taking a pregnancy test to see if that was the reason for this. But I don't think people gain a noticeable amount of weight within the first month, do they? Please tell me that I am just being paranoid. God, I hope.
I can remember a time about 2 years ago when I thought that I was pregnant. The father could have been one of two different guys (Adam and John G.). I was so scared....I would not eat for fear of it growing inside of me. I know, it's dumb, but I convinced myself that if I didn't eat, the baby wouldn't grow. The non-existant baby that is. I even took a pregnancy test that came up negative. You'd think that would be enough to convince me that everything was fine, but no ooo .... I had Liz check the test a couple of times a day until I got my period since it was in her garbage can. I made my best friend rummage through trash to, as she put it,"Look at a stick with pee on it."
Oh, to think how dumb I was ... but sorry, that was a scary time; especially since I didn't really have a boyfriend. Just two guys that I fucked. Stupid me. At least I finally have the relationship that I had been looking for. I always was lucky.