Jul. 06, 2004

the 4th and Stuff

First, a quick summary of my weekend.

I�m proud of myself for going out this weekend and not fussing about it (too much anyway). On Friday night I didn�t want to go out at all. After work I wanted to go home and rest. After smoking a bowl, I made myself go to the Eagle�s for drinks. We met up with another guy who goes in there once in awhile and went back to his house to do a little smokin�. Then we were off to Danley�s and by this time it was about last call.

Saturday I slept most of the day, then woke up, showered and went to a birthday party for one of the bartender�s at the Eagle�s. It wasn�t too happening. Just a lot of family and small tikes. We weren�t there for very long. I was at the End�s twice on Saturday. We met some of Adam�s family there who are visiting from California.

The 4th was fun. Adam came with me to Obendorf�s to eat, drink, and play bache ball. I�m glad he came with me. I�ve been going there on the 4th of July for the past couple of years so why should his year be any different, right? We stopped by the Eagle�s for a beer, then headed home to watch movies.

My day off work yesterday made me not want to come to work today. It sucked. Anyway, I went to the bar for dinner and to see Adam, then hung out with Liz, Ana and Heather for awhile. My checking account is dwindling down to nothing�.I dropped $200.00 at the mall yesterday. I only went in 3 stores. Why�d I have to shop?

Last night I went into the bar to wait for Adam to get off work. We did the usual; gave Cheryl a ride home, went to A-Plus to get drinks, then went home and straight to our bedroom. I lay down on the bed and he flopped down beside me. Out of the blue, he goes,�Let�s move.�

He wants to move to California or New York within the next two years. I want out of this shitty town just as much as he does. But California is all the way on the west coast. I told him straight out that I�d rather move to NY. I guess we�ll see.

He�s including me in his future plans. He said a year or two give or take which means he�s not just thinking of himself; he�s thinking of me too. I love him more than anything and I will go where ever he goes to be with him. It took us about 3 years to be official, more than three years to say I love you to each other�.things are great and I don�t want them to change.

Change �. It�s scary. Change has always scared me. If I move away that change will be huge. I�ll be starting a new life, in a new place. There are so many optimistic things that could come out of it, but yet I have so many doubts and questions as well. I even told him that things change and so do people. What if things don�t work with us like they are now�.I�ll be stuck in an unfamiliar place with no family, friends, or boyfriend. I think my biggest fear is him finding someone else. I don�t deserve him. There are so many girls who are better than me. Girls who are prettier, smarter, and just put me to shame.

When we were having sex last night it was different. Maybe because we had talked about moving which is a big deal; I�m not sure what it was or how, but it was different. A good different though.

I was on top of him and he told me to go very slow and tell him what I liked about him. He was whispering into my ear that he loved me. I completely melted when he said,�I love you Jennifer.� I dunno, something about hearing my name I guess. He said he loves everything about me. I told him it felt good and he replied,�YOU feel good.�

I�m still thinking about it. Whenever I think about it, I know that he loves me� and only me.

missdahling at 8:43 p.m.