Apr. 22, 2004

What Love Is

I don't understand how one particular person can make you feel so good about yourself 90% of the time and make you feel like complete shit the other 10%.

He wanted to know how many people I hooked up with the summer I was in school. I didn't lie to him...I slept with two people. Blow jobs were a higher number. But none the less, I did not lie. He doesn't believe that I slept with only two people, but it's true.

He then asked if all this was in tape. He was like,"Was it a porno? Jenn does Bloomsburg. Sounds like you were pretty fuckin' easy."

When I brought up the fact that he also had hooked up with other people other than me, he said we weren't talking about him. We never seem to talk about his past relationships. Always just me. I'm not proud of some of the things that I did, but if he asks, I'll talk. He, on the other hand, doesn't tell me a thing. If he wasn't so quick to bring up my experiences and so hesitant to share his, then maybe I wouldn't look so bad.

He said to me,"Why were you such a slut?"

What was I expected to say? I looked down at my bracelet he bought me for Christmas as I was putting it away and replied with,"I dunno..."

Harsh words cut through my heart like a knife. And it's always worse to hear criticism from people you love too.

This morning he asked what was wrong and I told him to figure it out himself. Then, I said,"When I get mad at you, I don't sit there and put you down and call you mean names."

I left for work then. After sitting at work for about two hours I decided to text message him. I left him this quote:

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."

missdahling at 9:14 p.m.