Mar. 31, 2004

Jim Beam is Trouble

Jim Beam is a very, very bad man. Well, bad whiskey.

Adam is not going to drink it for awhile. After last night's episode, I don't want him to drink again .... E-V-E-R. He gets mean and nasty towards me.

My driving isn't the best, I admit, but in no way was I driving recklessly last night. Adam was criticizing my every move. I bit my tongue and decided to make light of it and let it go. It didn't matter though because when I stopped at the stop sign, he jumped out of the car and yells,"I'll see ya at the Rescue's or at home, whatever."

Stupid me, I drove to the Rescue's and sat there for a few minutes. Finally, I start to cry. I knew it was coming. For some reason I had this feeling that he was at The Key since it's only about a block from the Rescue's. I saw him sitting there and saw him right when I came in. I walk over, look at him and realize that I am speechless. Since I had no idea what to even say to him, I start to cry and say,"I'm going to home." Both of us walk to a less crowded area of the bar to talk. It was basically just me standing there bawling and asking why he was being mean to me, why he went to the Key when he said we were meeting at the Scue's. I ended up staying.

The rest of the night wasn't much better. He kept making smart remarks about my driving. When we got home, he yelled at me because he didn't think I could parallel park. If he hates my driving, then he shouldn't have told me to drive when we left the Eagle's which is the second place we went (Social Club first). And oh yeah, I DID parallel park just fine and dandy.

I was upset the entire time, although I think I did a great job of masquerading my sadness / anger. I was polite to everyone; even Adam. I didn't act bitchy or really say too much back when he would sit there and make smart remarks. I was so hurt.

Before we went to bed and after we smoked (only two bowls between 5 people) , he looked at the clock and exclaimed that he didn't know it was 3 o'clock am. He then said kind of sarcastically,"What were you doing hanging out with us? You should have been in bed HOURS ago ! " That made me feel like shit when he said that.

This afternoon before work, we talked about what happened. He says that he doesn't remember a thing, which is exactly what I expected. He remembers bits and pieces. He apologized when I told him that he was being mean. At first, I didn't think he was sincere, but he was. I don't care if he drinks jim and coke , but when he does, I don't want to have anything to do with him. I told him just that and he said it was fair enough.

I gave him a kiss goodbye and left for work. I'm not upset anymore; just kind of worn down about the whole thing. I'm not going out tonight. I think I'll shower and maybe rent a movie.

missdahling at 6:01 p.m.