Nov. 30, 2002
Conclusion toThanksgiving Eve Spent w/ Him
So much for telling him how I feel and all. Jesus Christ! Can I not do anything right?! :(
We did hang out on Thanksgiving Eve. We went to my house and watched tv. I was content just laying there with him; simply being there together. I didnt mention the things we were supposed to talk about. I dont know why. I am so fucking stupid. I fuck up once again.
Whenever we start making out, it always leads to sex. So yeh, you can just guess what happened next. Doesnt really surprise me. I figured that would happen and I could just kick myself. Kick myself for sleeping with him and for not getting the answers to my questions. Dammit!
The worst part is that I havent really spoken to him since Wed. nite. We talked a little on the internet today and thats it.
Why cant things ever work out between us? It seems like no matter how many times we try, it never works. It really upsets me, I feel like crying right now. I dont know how much longer I can do this. I hate myself for always putting up with this shit. and I hate myself for just being me. If i were someone else, would he (or anyone else for that matter) like me better?
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Thanksgiving day was good. I ate good food, which was prepared by my mother. The whole day was spent with my immediate family, plus my uncle and grandmother. The day was boring, but relaxing.
That night Liz and I went to the movies. We saw the movie 'They'. I wouldnt recommend it.
Yesterday I went shopping. It was insane. Everyone was out. Black Friday. Good lord... I got some nice things. A new cell phone cover, jeans, shirt, and shoes. I also got a few xmas gifts for people. I'm slowly getting around to buying everyone's presents.
Even though I went shopping, Im still not happy. 'He' always puts me in moods like this.